Right now and here i just needed someone to talk to..But eventually no one was there..im sitting right here thinking out of so many ppl i choose you..But is everything gonna be fine like how times were. Thats a question for me. Suicidal thoughts invade my mind litterally those cuts those pain isnt compared to the pain u gave me..Im just thinking will everything be fine after i suicide will you be fine when im gone..I seriously wondered why am i even thinking of u when you're the courage and fear tat its in me..I hate it everytime u scolded me for nth i hate it when ur attitude for me change out of 1 sec.. i wondered am i someone for u to scold or someone for u to love. sometimes at my lowest point of life i hided all those feelings and problems and breaked down and cry i feel so useless and pathetic.. No one understand my problems and helped me solve it no one advice me or comfort me when ive all those problems.. No one not even u..When i broke down today when u called u scolded me for crying, i cried even more after that as m heart hurts more then stabbing myself with a knife. Thinking back Times were good at first begin able to scale everything well and everything was going smoothly till and slowly my greatest nightmare has came.. When its good times i slept peacefully every night having sweet dreams but nowadays i cant even sleep.. every time i tried to sleep i cried myself to sleep having thinking i could escape for alittle while but no i was wrong..i dont escape for alittle while it hunts me even in my sleep.. ive become afraid too afraid of life too afraid of sleeping.. i kept quiet offing all my lights sitting right here thinking why why why things have become like this why am i like tat why am i so pathetic useless sitting here alone crying.. but no i kw i dont have a choice.. Out of thousands millions of people i choose u, you are the one that i gave up everything for, you are my courage to live on telling myself things will be fine... you are the one i love.. i told myself every single time.. i had to tolerate those scolding, those fucked up attitude those things i shouldn't have tolerate but ive a limit too.. im a human not a robort, ive feelings too.. every single time u scold me my heart breaks a little more.. everytime u scold me badly my heart bleeds alittle more.. i seriously doesnt kw what i can do but just sitting here quietly and cry myself to be tired.. I ever feeled tat why are u always throwing ur temper at me and talks to others nicely..Why am i the one that you're throwing ur temper..I've seen the bad side of u the most fucked up of u but my hearts still tells me im staying for sure.. Sometimes things in life its hard to understand..sigh. Maybe after im gone for good things would be btr for u..Since you've changed your bio and our photo i guess You only need me at ur bad times not ur good times..Ur bad times are over and ur good times have started.Wishing u all the best in ur life after im gone for good..I just wanna say one last time iloveyou my dear.. my one and only wife <3 maucks Ending here Good bye.