Right now and here i just needed someone to talk to..But eventually no one was there..im sitting right here thinking out of so many ppl i choose you..But is everything gonna be fine like how times were. Thats a question for me. Suicidal thoughts invade my mind litterally those cuts those pain isnt compared to the pain u gave me..Im just thinking will everything be fine after i suicide will you be fine when im gone..I seriously wondered why am i even thinking of u when you're the courage and fear tat its in me..I hate it everytime u scolded me for nth i hate it when ur attitude for me change out of 1 sec.. i wondered am i someone for u to scold or someone for u to love. sometimes at my lowest point of life i hided all those feelings and problems and breaked down and cry i feel so useless and pathetic.. No one understand my problems and helped me solve it no one advice me or comfort me when ive all those problems.. No one not even u..When i broke down today when u called u scolded me for crying, i cried even more after that as m heart hurts more then stabbing myself with a knife. Thinking back Times were good at first begin able to scale everything well and everything was going smoothly till and slowly my greatest nightmare has came.. When its good times i slept peacefully every night having sweet dreams but nowadays i cant even sleep.. every time i tried to sleep i cried myself to sleep having thinking i could escape for alittle while but no i was wrong..i dont escape for alittle while it hunts me even in my sleep.. ive become afraid too afraid of life too afraid of sleeping.. i kept quiet offing all my lights sitting right here thinking why why why things have become like this why am i like tat why am i so pathetic useless sitting here alone crying.. but no i kw i dont have a choice.. Out of thousands millions of people i choose u, you are the one that i gave up everything for, you are my courage to live on telling myself things will be fine... you are the one i love.. i told myself every single time.. i had to tolerate those scolding, those fucked up attitude those things i shouldn't have tolerate but ive a limit too.. im a human not a robort, ive feelings too.. every single time u scold me my heart breaks a little more.. everytime u scold me badly my heart bleeds alittle more.. i seriously doesnt kw what i can do but just sitting here quietly and cry myself to be tired.. I ever feeled tat why are u always throwing ur temper at me and talks to others nicely..Why am i the one that you're throwing ur temper..I've seen the bad side of u the most fucked up of u but my hearts still tells me im staying for sure.. Sometimes things in life its hard to understand..sigh. Maybe after im gone for good things would be btr for u..Since you've changed your bio and our photo i guess You only need me at ur bad times not ur good times..Ur bad times are over and ur good times have started.Wishing u all the best in ur life after im gone for good..I just wanna say one last time iloveyou my dear.. my one and only wife <3 maucks Ending here Good bye.

Today morning was such a bad morning woke up with heavy head feeling so unwell but it soon get better after talking to baby <3 she care for me so much aww i love it <3 She's so caring unlike others who doesn't give a damn about me..After bathing i went to bed and rest throughout the whole afternoon keep sleeping and wake up sleeping and wake up grr irritating and so i went to see games and sit on my chair and rest..and guess what the next moment my wife was at my door <3 OMG i was so shock that surprise cheers me up alot alot <3 Omg i love her so much lurh <3 even thou times were short she still took the effort to come to my door checking whether am i fine anot <3 thats so sweet of her <3 love her so much the best i could ever wanted <3 Baby i just want you to know no matter how things fucked up im sure you still love me and ill always love you remember alright...even if u forget i still do remind u by telling how much i love you cause i dont want u ever fucking forget that how much i fucking love you <3 maucks maucks hehes ending here le peeps =)

Its been such a long time i last blogged abt life, maybe its time for such a hobby to come back..Times been well kinda good.. only some times i really doesn't know whats my wife thinking..sigh i wish i could read her mind..At one moment things are fine very fine but the next moment she started to flare showing me attitude like i've done something wrong which idk what to do stressing over and over again thinking wtf did i done wrong..sometimes my head felt like its gonna burst anytime hais..things sometimes is so well but next min things just kinda fucked up. Sometimes i just thing that why life is so tough but its alright i know she still love me, i know she still care, i still love her like times were so the only thing i could do is try to cool myself down and tolerate.. sometimes i just hate how she scolded me for no reason i hate it when she attitude me it just hurts my heart but it doesn't change my love for her as she's the one i'm gonna make her become my wife <3 no matter what i still tries my best to tolerate the shits that given to me but i don't regret begin with her as she's the one i've been looking for all this while <3 I just want to spend my every single moment with her right beside her, no one else other then fucking her! ahh finish ranting felt so good <3 anyway just a short update but i guess no one reads it anyway haha..I'm just gonna tolerate all shits no matter how much my head or heart hurts ill never leave her <3 Im counting down to our marraige weeee 171013 Iloveyou <3

Haiis this few day alot alot alot of things happen i have been starting to think tat why this have become this way..I am really very confuse i am nw choosing frm wad i am nw and wad i nid frm the future..Haiis i dont want in the future me or u to get hurt maybe i am still trying to think and figure out wad should i do u have memories so do i i have loads to think abt and no one truly kw the inside me ppl see only the appearance and the strong side of me but deep down i am just freaking soft and thinking abt the past but i dont wish to show out tat i am weak and just let other ppl thinks tat i have no past i have already forgotten abt the past but the truth is i haven maybe things are going this way cause i thought abt my past the past of me the hurtful moments the things i have done the personality i have..All this have started to come back so i think tat i nid a break i dont want to hurt u nor hurt myself i am starting to think and choose..I am sry..I dont want this to happen but i really nid a break and i have to really keep myself to think and change back to myself before i decide anything i dont want to make a harsh decision and hurt u and myself i dont want to make u think tat i am just a bastard i dont want anything bad to happen tats why i am trying to think very hard..Yes i may love you but i dont want anything happen to us tat even friends also cannot be!!Haiis i am sry..

Okay reaaders sorry that i didn't posted for such a long time~Yeah its kinda dead..ain't gonna care abt those freaking stupid problems...Just gonna live my life well and count each step i took~I am freaking confuse right now but i am gonna sort out my thoughts my feelings my everything..Haish whenever i am down and confuse, all out alone in the middle of the night could'nt concentrate on my work,couldn't concentrate on anything else i would think of coming here and post my thoughts..Actually i wouldn't fall that deep for you Jaslyn but those words u said really make me feel loved..Yes, i kw i should'nt fall for you but i guess i had already did..Do u kw that when u said those words from that little moment i had already fall for u girl..But i guess everything right now this situation its just sux..why didn't i came in earlier in your life..why must u be attach?Haish i really dk wad should i even do..Love is selfish thats wads everyone told me and asked me to fight for something i think its worth for but when i putted in the effort wads ur effort?Haish not gonna care those nonsense..like a kid only~Stopping here already peeps just feeling tired going off to complete my work and go to sleep~

Hey peeps i am back hahas..althought its so late right now as time is 2.17am^^ hahas hmm i promise tat i would try to post more so now i am trying to post more hahas..Hmm life every single day sux to the max.. Need memorize all those shitty subject which make me wanna puke everyday..Headache arr..hmm thx to someone i found a nice looking job which i look forward to^^ Its so relax but still very good pay too wahahaha short working hours but the pay nice only lurhx..the pay so freaking relax tat i almost slept hahas^^ OMG i now then kw i still have project to rush freak up grr..every night i need to be drunk so tat i could sleep..Hmm one night without drinking theres too much problems for me to think!!How i wish i live life without problems and worries..Sometimes i just feel like ending right at the moment but theres too much things tat i wont want to lose so finally understand tat i need to continue my life as theres just someone which need me..Actually theres just too much for me to take it so i am now trying to overcome all obstacle when i kw theres just no one to help me as my problems is just too hard to solve..Living my life with busyness so tat i wont think so much care so much and whooo no need to think just do my part..Life is a role when theres up and down which i live my life with the script tat god have created for me when my role is done and tats it i am gone..At least i have done my part..Sometimes i thought abt it actually theres alot of person concerning me and tats great i finally kw theres someone there for me actually thanks guys u kw who u are :p hahas ending here rushing my project so tat i could drink and be drunk to go to sleep and get ready for another tiring day..Byes readers^^

Sry readers its like so long i last post..hahas sry was quite busy studying my o level so dont have much time to post..after sch everyday need to go to work =( its like so sad lurhx need to earn my living =( soon i am going to take bike license^^ Damn happy abt it^^ dk will i pass or fail =( Hmm from today onwards i will try to post more^^ Lifes seem so short as times passes fast every moment..trying very hard to treasure every moment of my life work hard life harder yeah^^Life life with drunkness sometimes its soo foolish but i still do it althought i kw its foolish but at least when i am drunk those words from my heart will come out all those trueful words will just come out in a moment tat it feels so good inside..Hmm nth much more to post as i am very drunk right now..going off to lalaland soon whooo hahas..